Supervised

Six months into supervised visitation, Colin still hadn't missed a single session.

We met at a family center twice a week, a caseworker present the whole time, Leo slowly warming to a father he was really only just starting to know in any stable way. Colin brought books. He learned, awkwardly at first, how to actually get down on the floor and follow wherever Leo's attention went instead of directing it — something, he admitted to me once, quietly, in the parking lot afterward, he'd never once seen modeled growing up.

"I used to think playing with a kid meant teaching them something," he said. "It took me until I was thirty-four years old to learn it can just mean being there."

I wasn't in a hurry to fold that progress into anything resembling reconciliation between us. I'd made that mistake before, mistaking effort for safety, and Leo didn't have the luxury of me guessing wrong twice.

But I let Colin come to Leo's first birthday party that spring. Supervised, brief, exactly as much access as the court order allowed and not a minute more — and when Leo took his first unassisted steps that afternoon, three wobbling steps directly into Colin's arms instead of mine, I watched something in my husband's face break open in a way I hadn't seen since before any of this started.

He didn't try to make it more than it was. He just held our son, and for once, didn't say anything about what kind of parent that made him, or didn't, or should.

That night, driving home, Paige asked me if I thought there was a future there.

"I don't know yet," I told her honestly. "But for the first time, I'm not scared to find out."

A certified letter was waiting on my doorstep the next morning. Diane's name was on the return address, along with the name of a new attorney I didn't recognize.

She was appealing the protective order.